Ever wondered why conflicts arise..? Why love and pain go hand in hand..? Why there’s always a struggle between two hearts..? Is it so hard to truly understand eachother..? Is conflict really inevitable..?
Indeed, my dear, conflicts are inevitable… And they are essential in ways one can’t imagine… Once we look deeper into the subject, hopefully, we can unplug ourselves from the consequential suffering if not from conflicts themselves…
As it’s well known, everything has a dual nature… Good and bad… Right and wrong… Light and darkness… We’ve all heard of that… But what we fail to understand is that the duality isn’t static… It’s dynamic… Like pendulum, duality within us, is a divine dance… It keeps shifting… Like the two poles, North and South… What was good yesterday could be troubling us today and what seems good today could mess up something in the future… And it’s applicable the other way around too… What we once thought was bad could actually be good now… And what bothers us today could bring a better tomorrow… Its an ever-changing drama… Just like Yin and Yang chasing the tails of eachother… Eternally..!
What is more important is the need to understand that we humans are not binary beings… Neither do we live in a binary world… Everything is in a cohesive quantum state… It’s just that we have been conditioned in a way so that we remain within the duality shifting between two extremes and many a times, getting a bit too attached to either of the two extremities at any given point… There was never good “OR” bad in each of us… Or in anything for that matters… It has always been good “AND” bad… There was never light “OR” darkness in the composition of our minds… It has always been light “AND” darkness… Both residing in the same being, at the same time, romancing eachother all the time… And here we are, failing to romance eachother out of sheer ignorance…
Light and darkness in every human is subjective and the composition is quite incomprehensible… As a result, my friend, our relationships with other humans are quite vulnerable to get so messed up…
Irrespective of the formulae, every individual is unique and whole… When we say we love someone, we mean love to that whole person right..? Not just a piece of them…
Unless you are cannibalistic… 😜
However the problem in most relationships, especially while going through rough patches is that the role of the human ego… It plays a dirty game with an agenda to feed itself with a wide range of ball games backed up by multiple strategic contingencies… It could be by playing the blame game… Or by playing the victim card… Or by creating a perception of oneself being righteous… Or the right/wrong mirage… The human ego makes us believe what it portrays, tricking us into feeding it… The bloody trickster tries to mimic a friend, a wellwisher, an empath, a judge, a motivational speaker, a therapist, a sage and what not..?
“I” didn’t do anything wrong.
“I” was right.
“I” was taken for a ride.
He/She is insensitive to “MY” emotions.
“I” did everything “I” could for him/her because “I“ loved him/her more than anyone else in the whole world.”
Whatever “I” did was out of love and concern. He/She failed to understand “MY” feelings/intentions.
He/She didn’t realise “MY“ value.
They do not realise who “I” am.
“I” have accomplished so much / gone through so much in “MY” life.
The ego pretends to be one’s own self and the dialogues are delivered on one’s behalf… The human ego waits for opportunities to feed off us, possesses us at the slightest of chances, yet remains unnoticed… Superficially, everything appears as if it is acts of self love, self sympathy, self healing or self esteem… Or worse, it may even appear to be a negotiation attempting to testify injustice against us… Whether or not it actually is what it appears to be, can be quite questionable… Afterall, the human ego has been the master of humanity since time immemorial… As humans, we have rarely looked beyond the eyes of ego without realising that perception lacks perfection…
Of course we all wanna be good people… We can manage being the prey… “This too shall pass..!” we can console ourselves… But we can’t accept ourselves being the predator… Not even unconsciously… Isn’t it my dear..?
Why is that so..? Why do we deny the fact that just like every other human, we too are gray..? Not completely white; not completely blank; but a mix up of both..?
Is it a drive to achieve the impossible..? “Becoming” a “perfect being” carrying “perfect goodness“..?
Is perfect goodness a necessity to live a happy life..? Is it even possible to attain such perfection..?
What exactly is perfect goodness..? Being good in every possible way..? Well in that case, when we are good to somebody’s bad behaviour that’s directed towards us or our loved ones, aren’t we being actually bad by allowing such behaviour..? Isn’t that kind of subtle consent to the bad, actually bad..?
What else is good..? Protecting and guiding the ones we love every single moment..? Is that how we define goodness..? In that case, aren’t we eliminating the opportunities for our loved ones to learn things through their own life experiences..? Aren’t we disabling their abilities to protect themselves..? Aren’t we leading them to a state of vulnerability for our own delusional beliefs..? Isn’t that being bad..? Or simply a psychological disorder called “Saviour Complex”..?
Trust me my friend… Good and bad can be confusing enough to make our heads spin… But one truth that can sober us up is that it is good to be one’s own self and to let oneself be their own self… And it is best to let one find his/her own light… After all, the most perfect thing in humans, is their imperfection..!
The origin of chaos in a relationship is the centric focus or awareness… The epicentre of the human ego where each of us wants to take care of the other… Taking care of someone indeed is undeniably one of the fundamental factors that builds, sustains and enriches any kind of relationship… But it goes so wrong when both the parties deem themselves to be “THE INDIVIDUAL IN-CHARGE” of taking care of the other half of the duo/group of individuals…
The perception of “we taking care” of someone feeds the ego. Whereas the perception of “us being taken care of” drains the ego by making us feel vulnerable. Isn’t it my dear..? Isn’t that the problem with perceptions..? A simple change hurts quite a lot right..?
Through a similar quantum of change, a change in focus, egocentrism can be eliminated and unconditionality be employed… When the ACT is focused upon instead of THE ONE WHO DOES THE ACT, there opens the gateway to a truly selfless act… When there are no conditions, there are no expectations… When there are no expectations, there are no disappointments… When there are no disappointments, all that remains is pure bliss… And a blissful heart is the epitome of compassion..!
No matter how much we glorify and romanticize the intentions, one’s sense of love, care, concern and responsibility could be a burden to the other individual when there’s even the tiniest bit of egoistic obsession involved… It’s really admirable to take efforts in being somebody’s light… But just like how darkness could blind us, too much of light could also blind us… True vision is when there is a communion between an optimum dispersion of light and an adequate expression of darkness…
The two great forces of nature could appear to be opposing eachother… But the truth is that they exist for and because of eachother… They ensure the survival of eachother, compliment eachother and complete eachother… Such is their way of romance… A divine intimacy… To know one, the other has to exist… To know oneness, duality has to exist… Thus, light and darkness, remain as the cosmic couple to teach us the fundamental aspect of nature… Coexistence…
We too are expressions of such duality… As individuals, humans are painted with the two shades… As couples, the two humans involved are the two shades that paint the relationship… Regarding which one is white and which one is black, it’s truly a matter of integrative, interchangeable and introspective subjectivity…
One’s care could be perceived as obsession…
One’s fun could be perceived as stupidity…
One’s anger could be perceived as hatred…
One’s discipline could be perceived as dull and lifeless…
But at the end of the day, perceptions are mere projections… Not actuals…
With such a complexity of duality lies within each of us, how do we even comprehend a partner in simple terms..? Is that your question my dear..? Very well…
Will “YOU” be okay if someone comprehended you and confined the wholeness of yourself into a few lines..?
Will “YOU” be happy if someone understood you completely to such an extent that they can predict your every move and manipulate you..?
It’s an obvious “no” right..? The magic lies in the mystery… The beauty lies in embracing the unknown… The success of a relationship isn’t achieved by decrypting the minds or hearts of the individuals, but by understanding the dynamics of both the halves of the couple… True romance is not just physical intimacy; it is a lot more intense than just that… It is the romance of the souls that is orchestrated by care, compassion and mutual respect on a whole new level when the two mind/heart paradoxes transcend the demands of the ego, break free from the chains of conformity, explore non-judgmental communication, accept opposing perspectives and embrace the equilibrium among eachother…
One cannot win the other… Either both win, or both lose…
One cannot hurt the other… Either both get hurt, or none gets hurt…
One cannot heal the other… Either both heal, or none…
Through the greatest and the most potent energy across dimensions called “LOVE“…
is a soul chiseled by God..!
The flow of that magical force of nature called love tweaks the divinity within each of us… Then the divinity in us starts doing it’s job… Letting us express gratitude to life and it’s experiences… Allowing us to forgive others and more importantly, to forgive ourselves… Nurturing us to respect every other soul… Elating us to embrace every moment… Empowering us celebrate the very existence… Traversing us beyond perceptions and subjective opinions… Transcending us beyond beliefs… Enlightening us to truly experience life… All as a pure spirit of the divine rather than a sub-standard self corrupted by megalomania…
Irrespective of how dreamy and complicated it may sound, the key is quite a fundamental fact that’s as simple as a toddler’s narrative… A simple act of remembering the fact that as an individual, one is just a minuscule piece of experience in the infinite existence… The minute celestial identity of oneself plays a huge role in imbibing humility and compassion… In due course, forgiveness follows… Acceptance accompanies… Beliefs become unproven theories… Expectations are acknowledged as unnecessary equipments… Perceptions diminish… Consciousness expands… And then the switch to shift the paradigm awaits…
Love is the purest and the only form of energy that is powerful enough to synchronise the extremities of polarities in order to endure the grand picturesque existence..! When one breathes it, he/she is eventually freed from the clasps of ego… Compassion and mercy shall spread like a wildfire that lights up every soul it touches… Kindness shall plague hearts with happiness… Relationships amongst humans shall be truly noble and harmonious…
Each complimenting the other…
Each completing the other…
Each respecting the other…
Each accepting the differences of the other…
Such a communion of souls becomes an expression of divinity… By being the Yin to one’s Yang and the Yang to one’s Yin..! The ultimate divine paradox..!